2 years

Today marks two years since I said hello and goodbye to my sweet baby Harrison. It's a hard day for my whole family. Yes we've come along way in two years, I am happy and thankful for all I have, but it's still a hard day. I still struggle when people ask me how many kids i have, no stranger wants the whole story so i say, three, but it hurts to say. It's hard because I have to celebrate his birth and his death all in one day. I know it is probably hard for many to realize why we were so affected by such a small baby, but "baby" is the key word there. He was a baby and he was my baby. I will never forget when Trent and I had to give Harrison back to the nurse, saying goodbye to him was the hardest thing I've ever done. My arms had never ached so much. So when I had Finn 5 months ago I realized how blessed I was to be able to have another sweet baby boy in my arms. I am grateful for all that I went through. Even though I am not a perfect mom I feel I have become a better one. I feel I have more love and compassion not only for my family, but others. I have learned that while it my be hard to go through all these trials I feel we go through them to help others. I have met so many wonderful people out there who have gone through similar experiences and not only were they able to help me but I'm sure I was able to help them, just to be a shoulder to cry on, a shoulder that understands. I also look at life different. As I go to the grocery store or the movie, basically wherever I am, I often wonder what people are going through. I doubt people look at me and think oh she lost a baby. I have learned through my experience and others around me that we have no idea what others are going through. They may look like they have a perfect life but I think we all know that's not possible. I am so grateful for Harrison in my life, for all that little baby has taught me. I am so grateful that my kids still pray for him, talk about him, and love him as if he were here. Happy birthday to my sweet baby, I love and miss you more than ever.