Does anyone else think this is hard?

So the past few weeks I feel like all I do is yell or disapline. I put my kids in timeout constantly (mostly Hudson), raise my voice, yell, take toys, wii, and other stuff away, nothing seems to be helping lately. I've tried giving him chores so that he feels like he is doing stuff, playing with him, sticker charts, rewards. It helps sometimes, but lately I feel nothing I do is helping. Hudsons been a bit of a stinker lately. Not listening just plain doesn't care. I don't know if its the age, he's almost 5, or if he's a boy, or if he's still struggling with all that happened last year or a combination of it all. But my sweet little boy is well, not being sweet all the time. He really is a good kid for the most part. He's super smart, does well in school, he teacher said he's doing fine, but with me, he is not. He just doesn't care. He has no respect.

So I let him have a friend over yesterday because I thought it might help. He had not played with a boy friend his age since we moved. I took them to lunch and we played play dough, watched a movie, they were getting a long great. Well, I put Ruby down for a nap but because the boys were being so loud she just wouldn't go to sleep. So I left her in there for awhile thinking she'd go to sleep, usually noise doesn't stop her from taking a nap. She was quiet from time to time so I thought she had gone to sleep. Finally I went in there because she just never went to sleep and what do I find? She had taken her diaper off and peed all over her bed, pillow, blankets, dolls, and books in her crib. No wonder she never fell asleep. So I changed her, cleaned it all up and let her go play with the boys. I gave them all a gogurt and went to finish up a huge order I had. I went in a few minutes later to check on them and what do I find? 7-8 gogurts cut open and all over the couch. Luckily its a leather couch(or durahide) so that it could clean easily. I explained to them that they can't have that many and they are not supposed to use the scissors or they'd cut themselves, they were sharp kitchen scissors. I told them all they had to do was ask. While I am cleaning up the mess my finger slips into a hole, yes, a hole in my couch. My son had taken the sharp kitchen scissors and stabbed and cut my couch over and over. And its in a place that i can't hide and because its leather its all attached so I can't just flip the cushion over. AHHHH I wanted to scream, luckily he had a friend over, or boy who knows. So I walked out of the room in a fury, I called Trent to tell him what had happened. I was freaking, you would've thought he cut himself and not the couch. He knows I'm at my wits end with Hudson lately. He helped calm me down and I went in there and got the whole story. Oh my gosh, really? Your almost five and you do that to my couch? One of only a few pieces of furniture I bought, that wasn't passed down? I was so mad. I took Chet home and explained to Joanna what had happened. Luckily she is my friend and understood and had similar things happen, I guess its life with a boy. I still felt bad. Then I went straight to my moms so I wouldn't lose it.
Anyways, am I the only mother out there with stuff like this going on? Am I that bad of a mother? I really think some days, no wonder Heavenly Father didn't let me raise Harrison, I am a horrible mother, I can barely mother the ones I have and I yell all the time. NO wonder.
I feel as mothers sometimes its a competition, and especially in the blog world, every things so peachy. I know how it is, you want your kids to be the best, be the best mom, act as if you can do this and its not that bad. But come on there are days, at least at our house, am I the only one who thinks this is hard?
Did anyone watch Oprah on being a mother and how we really need to support one an other and not act like everything is perfect, we need to be there and help each other? I loved it. It was great, I knew I wasn't the only one who had bad days, whose kids weren't perfect. Its hard, I admit it, mothering is the hardest thing I've ever done. I am trying my best and some days I feel I am failing. Anyways, I guess all I'm looking for is a little support to know that my kids aren't the only ones, I'm not the only mom who has bad days. I do feel guilty when I yell. I went to bed last night really sad that I can't control my kids or be the mother I thought I could be. I feel bad that I don't have Harrison here and that I should treat the ones I have better. I do love them more than anything but its hard. I pray daily for patience for understanding and sometimes I feel those days I pray the hardest are the hardest. Anyways, am I the only one? Anyone have any advice? Does anyone else think being a mother is the hardest thing?
(I hope you won't judge me or think less of my after this post. I love my kids more than anything, honestly, and daily want another one. But days like yesterday make me think twice. I guess we all have our days right?)
Today is my 28th birthday, crazy huh, and Hudson asked me what I wanted, all I asked was that Hudson mind me for one day, so far, ok, but not what I would've hoped for.