2 weeks old

My little Finn was 2 weeks on Thursday, wow it really goes so fast. He is just getting cuter everyday and is such a good baby. Other than that one night last week where he thought it was party time at 4:00 in the morning, he does pretty well at night. He didn't cry but man from 4-6am between 20 min of hiccups, 1 poop, wide eyed looking around, and 1 projectile vomit I couldn't get him to go to sleep. I finally just put him in bed with me so I could at least sleep, which didn't really happen.

I took him to his 2 week check up and he is doing so great.

Stats: 

height: 21.5 inches 40% (19.5 inches at birth I think they measured him wrong)

weight: 7lbs 8oz 20% (6 lbs 10oz at birth)

head: 35.6 20%

Here's a sneak peak at Griffin's newborn photo shoot. We thought the guitar was appropriate because that's his dads passion. 

My pediatrician thinks that my placenta was not working properly at birth due to how Griffin looked at birth and his low birth weight and being only 5 days early. I usually have bigger babies and both Hudson and Ruby were earlier than Finn and they weighed more. Plus because he has gained so well in his first 2 weeks of life it shows that he needed food, he wants 4 oz of formula every 3 hours in the day. Crazy because 2 week old should be drinking between 2-3oz. I am so glad he came when he did and that he is healthy and doing great. He is still so skinny and tiny because he's so long.

I am so glad he is doing well on his weight and so was his pediatrician. There are many of you out there that are amazing mothers that can feed your baby and then their are moms like me that can't. Breastfeeding does not come easy or natural to me, especially when I don't really have milk. Almost all the women in my family have little to no milk. My grammy didn't have any milk and back then they didn't' have formula so she had to give her babies caned milk. I didn't know I didn't have milk when I had Hudson. He was 7 lbs 8oz at birth.  When he was 10 days old I put him to bed at 7:00 and told Trent to wake me up if Hudson didn't wake up by 10:00 so I could feed him. Well, we both feel asleep and woke up at about 7:00  in the morning. I woke up in a panic and instantly woke up Trent asking him if he had woken up with Hudson. When he said no we both panicked and ran in to his room. We tried to wake him up but he just wasn't having it, he was alive but really lethargic, they call it failure to thrive.  We took his diaper off, taped his feet. I tried to breast feed him and you'd think after almost 10 hours of not feeding I would be sore, hard, and overflowing with milk. Well, it was the complete opposite. I had nothing, I wasn't engorged or sore at all.  Long story short, we took him to the Dr right away and he was 6 lbs and a few oz.  By 2 weeks they should be at their birth weight and more. He was in failure to thrive, when babies aren't getting the nutrition they need they will just sleep. And Because I didn't have milk and didn't know it and was only feeding him breast milk he wasn't getting anything. I felt awful. I tried everything for about a week or two and still nothing. I had the lactation specialist at the hospital help me. I would pump with their machine for 30 min both sides together and maybe get an oz. And since he still wasn't gaining weight I had to give him formula. I struggled with that at first. Feeling like a failure as a mom, having to tell people that I couldn't breast feed because I didn't have milk, some people think everyone can nurse and I should've tried harder. I really felt horrible. But Hudson gained weight fast once he got milk, he was a healthy baby, didn't have ear infections, slept through the night, gained weight and now is so smart. So when I had Ruby my pediatrician kept on me like a hawk. Ruby was jaundice so we were going into get her checked and weighed every other day. I was supplementing and did the best I could. But since I knew I didn't have a lot of milk she didn't lose weight but wasn't gaining either. She wasn't about to let the same thing happen to Ruby. I was told to supplement and pump around the clock. It was super hard and I tried for about 1 month, but same thing, not much. I would feed her from me, then what milk I had pumped which was usually about 1 oz from both sides, then she'd still want 1-2 ozs of formula. I just couldn't keep up with it and when she slept through the night the first time I was empty.

So I was torn whether or not to even try with Griffin but I know that colostrum is the best thing you can give them so I figured I'd try. I had all the help I could from the hospital, it ws funny but the lactation specialists that came to tell me everything I could do to help my milk supply said, "If it doesn't work this time and you try everything I wouldn't try again." I was shocked she said that. But she was super nice and said some women just can't. That made me feel really good. I actually felt a bit engorged this time, nothing crazy but I think some milk did come in. I was pumping, breastfeeding and then giving him a bottle to supplement for a bit but then he got nipple confusion. I was trying really hard to get him to latch on and when he would he would only eat for a few minutes because there just isn't much, then he'd pull off and cry. I'm sorry but he's my baby and it was so sad to hear him cry for food.  And I have 2 other kids so having to do all of that and then still give him a bottle just wasn't working and then same thing, when he slept through the night I was empty, I also never feel let down. I've heard that most mothers once they have let down its as if their babies are drowning on their milk, I would have no idea what that is like.  I do know that I was born at the right time to be able to give my children formula now which is made so close to breast milk. I still feel awful and ashamed as a mother when I have to tell people that I don't breastfeed or when they notice I'm giving them a bottle. I tried but all I can say is my kids are just as healthy as those who are breastfeed and they are so smart. I still feel close to my babies and bottle feeding isn't all that bad, I actually like it. I feel I can snuggle him better. I get to have some help from family and who doesn't love feeding a baby a bottle. So there you go I let it all out, I'm not a perfect mom but I'm doing the best I know how to do. And my baby is healthy, gaining weight, and happy, so I am too.

Where's Griffin? He's camouflaged on his blankets. 

He's still so tiny in his carseat.

 He still only fits into newborn clothes but if they are a one piece newborn outfit they don't fit in length because he's long. 

This is an outfit that my mom bought for Harrison and I was so sad seeing it in the closet for the longest time after he died and wanted to get rid of it, but I am glad I didn't because I think its special he gets to wear something that was Harrison's. It says, Baby Brother.

Here he is taking his first real bath. The first few times he didn't love it but now he does. I LOVE these sponge baths that they lay on. I think they are so much better than those big tubs you buy for babies because the baby is in the water, so they are warmer and can relax, plus they don't' take up a lot of space. 

All clean and out of the bath, waiting to get his jammies on. 

All ready for bed and sucking super hard on his binky waiting for his baba and bed. 

Ruby was so excited when she came home from church to feed Finn. She is warming up more and more to Griffin everyday. She loves him and loves to help. She asks everyday, "can he eat this?" "Can he hold his toy now?" She loves him now but I know she'll love him even more when he can play with his toys.