This little baby is occupying my every thought right now. I feel I have come to a peaceful place in losing him. I never thought I'd get to a peaceful place. I still miss him. I still think about him and Hudson and Ruby still talk about him almost everyday. I love that they haven't forgotten about him. I love that every night when they say their prayers when they are thanking and asking Heavenly Father to bless all the people in our family they never forget to say, Harry.I will never "get over it" as people say, I still hate that I never got to raise him, hear him cry, hear him say, "I love you mommy", or see him interact with Hudson and Ruby, but I am at peaceful place. I feel I have grown as a mother and a person. I never really thought I'd get to this place, a place where I don't cry everyday, am not depressed or sad. However I do still miss him, and lately I can't get him out of my mind. Trent and I are in the final stage, finally, of getting his headstone in. I really wanted it in by his birthday but I don't know if that will happen. I know he's occupying my thoughts right now because 3 weeks from today, October 28th is his birthday. I am trying not to think about the 3 weeks that lead to his birth, the downhill cycle I took in my health that lead to such a horrible experience and his early birth. I am trying to focus on those 21 weeks I had to spend with him. Today Trent said to me, that he was talking with someone at his office about the past year and he said it hit him that what has happened has really effected him not only at home but at work. He's been affected too and I hate to see him sad, but just like me he's doing well, most of the time.
Trent and I are trying to think of ways to celebrate but don't really know what to do. He is my son and even though he is no longer with us I feel it is important to celebrate. I am thinking of a balloon release by his grave, but if you have any other suggestions I would love them. Thanks for all your love and support.
8 comments:
YOU are in my thoughts too April! I was thinking about you guys a lot during many of the conference talks. I hope they were a source of comfort for you~ and I'm so happy to hear that you are feeling so peaceful. I think the balloon release sounds like a very good idea!
I am so sorry April. Harry is so blessed to be a part of your family. You guys are such a strong family, I admire that about you guys. I think a balloon release would be a good tribute to him. I also think a little cake and ice cream is always good!
I have always thought the balloon release was special, its almost like you are sending them up to heaven to Harry! Its perfect!
You have come so far this past year. I can tell you've done so much healing. And I think a balloon release would be great for little Harry.
A balloon release is a great idea. You could have everyone write some thoughts on paper and put them inside the balloons and release them. Hopefully this will make you feel more at peace. You have dealt with this challenge so well and I admire you.
:( Sweet little baby
You could do 21 balloons for the 21 weeks he was with you. I like the idea with writing the thoughts on the inside too. That's something that you're little kids easily be a apart of and they'd certainly never forget.
I didn't even see this post! What a sweet picture, we love you guys so much and its so good to know that you are doing well, we know that you are too but sometimes its good to hear. I think the balloon release would be really good, hopefully we'll be able to come down and be with you guys that day.
April-I was told and I can attest that the days leading up to the first angel birthday are always harder than the actual day. You do what you can handle. For Keiths, we did a butterfly release. Plus a balloon release and sang happy birthday (more for my kids). Thinking of you (and Harry) through the difficult days leading up to the one year angel birthday.
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