The View of Dad and Husband

Hey, this is Trent. This is my first post ever. April does such an outstanding job that I think its better that she posts. However, at this time I wanted to express a few of my perspectives on the events of the past couple weeks so they can also be recorded here for remembrance.

I often find it interesting how some memories can become so fuzzy with time while others seem to be eternally vivid. As I expressed at the graveside, there are some moments etched into my memory, and which have and likely will continue to impact me in ways difficult to explain.

One is the feeling of gratitude for how much love and care I felt were given by the nurses and other staff at Mckay Dee Hospital. I was there watching and waiting and my gratitude grew more full throughout the week. Sometimes in the moment I had great optimism and faith, then after the fact I realized how dangerous the situation truly was. As I ponder this my gratitude swells. Through this rollercoaster of hope and fear, it was trust in the Lord that helped us through.

On the night of Sunday, Oct. 26th we had been there while they monitored April and Harrison. Sometime after 10:00 p.m. April asked me to help her up to go to the bathroom and she began to bleed heavily. I called the nurses in right away. They came in and I don't remember exactly what they said, but they called in the whole team. What I do remember clearly is her passing out, me grabbing under her arms and lifting her with the nurses over to the bed while they worked to revive her. I stood to the side of her bed next to her head and pleaded with our Heavenly Father to bring her back. Time stood still as she came to and opened her eyes. She was so confused for a few seconds as she started to put the pieces together in her mind. She started to cry and ask if she lost the baby. She just looked at me and kept asking while I assured her that things are under control and the baby was ok. I will never forget the undescribable range of emotions of those few minutes.

When we were faced with the possibility of choosing who should live, this was possibly the most heart wrenching time of all. To believe its possible for the baby to make it a couple more weeks and hope that this is the case, but at the same time to have a mother and wife be severely at risk and seeing the situation worsen, is not something I would want for anyone. During this period April and I had some time alone. I sat by her bedside and we talked and cried together.

When Harrison was born it was just April and I in the room with a nurse or two. From that point on, although there was sadness, the rest of the night there was such a feeling of peace. It was a time where the veil between heaven and earth seemed to grow thin. We were at our most humble and prayerful. We were able to hold him and see his beautiful face, be in awe at the perfectness of his little hands and feet, and spend a brief period with him as a family.

The next night I decided to go home to take a shower and sleep since I hadn't slept much in 4 days. I got home around 11:30 p.m. and found myself sitting on the bed in our quiet home retracing the events of the last few days and letting it all sink in. I pulled out my notepad where I write lyrics from time to time and jotted down my thoughts. It all just came to me and I was done in about 20 minutes. I'll end my post with the words I wrote:

Although I greive,
and wipe the tears with my sleeve,
you've changed our lives forever,
in just a few short weeks.

My son the one,
that I didn't get to know,
yet I feel so much love,
between us flow.

We caught a glimpse,
of a spirit so strong,
as you fought and triumphed,
for so very long.

Now I have the feeling,
that we knew you before,
and when the time comes,
we'll see you once more.

So this life will be,
but a brief delay,
while we gain the assurance,
to reunite some day.

Even though I may greive,
and wipe the tears with my sleeve,
you've changed our lives forever,
and brought our family closer together.

We love you, Dad